I am going crazy, and i cant stop it (please please read and answer)?

I am an 18 year old male. and ever since i can remember i have felt extremely lonely, and when i was very young i began to become addicted to food, and now i am obese and i have completely stopped taken care of myself, and i cant start taking care of myself until i lose weight, otherwise it will just end up hurting me (the way i have set up my attire, i dont look nearly as large as i am, and i look proportional), like i havent gotten a haircut in almost 5 years, because it fills out my head, so it i dont look as fat, and i can only wear certain clothes and i always have a jacket on, so of course, this has halted any possible relationship with a woman. I want to change so bad, but i cant, and i know if i were to cut my hair or change my attire, i wouldnt last a day without freaking out. I am trying to lose weight so bad, but my ******* mom stocks the house with junk food and i dont ******* know why, i always ask her to please stop but she doesnt, i want to get a job really really bad, but i cant because of my appearance. I cant go to a psychologist, because when my cousin went to a see one, all i remember is my parents talking about him like he was a freak, i have to break through this on my own, and i dont know if i can. I dont know what to do anymore, if i dont change in the next couple years, i really dont see how i can go on, i am so tired of being lonely, please please someone help me. And i am sorry if i didnt make any sense, and for all of the grammatical errors, its really early in the morning.